Documenting My Book Writing Journey, Week 3

January 13

One of the big questions I keep getting from my students is all about the querying process. There's a lot of information out there, but sorting through it and finding what is actually helpful is a beast - but I'm really glad I found a few creators that seem to know what they're talking about. Youtube is a goldmine for things like this. Today I found a video about querying that was really helpful, and you can watch it here. I don't always love the "hack" angle when it comes to this type of thing (I've realized I have a mental block around it that makes me feel like I'm being lazy) but this video was really helpful, so if you want to know the seven hacks this creator talks about for the query letter, watch it (and subscribe to her page - I am a subscriber/fan, too).

Something else happened today that was especially enlightening. I started this whole process really excited and confident (I get that wonderful kick of dopamine from starting a new project - hellooooo ADHD) and this morning it started to wear off. I know myself pretty well so I was ready for it, but I'd forgotten just how crippling anxiety/doubt/impostor syndrome could truly be. 

Thinking about querying, publishing, and the imminent rejections I know I'll face left me staring at a blank page this morning. I had my first episode of "why the heck am I doing this, this is stupid, I should give up now before I look like a fool in front of the entire internet" and had to coach myself through a panic attack. (I've had plenty of these - but when it comes to writing a novel, this is a first). It got me thinking about impostor syndrome as a whole, and reminded me of why I started writing coaching in the first place. 

The thing about impostor syndrome is that it's not the enemy, and there are ways to neutralize it that aren't just blindly forcing yourself through whatever is causing it at the moment. I have had situations in my life where the rejections were life-altering. I didn't get into my college on the first try. I didn't make any of my degree programs on the first (and second, and third) applications. Now we know that I have a learning disability, but at the time it felt pretty personal and those rejections hurt. I have a lot of stored-up pain from being told that what I did and who I am wasn't good enough for the thing I wanted to do at the time. 

Here's a great example: I used to play piano competitively for years (like 15 years). I'm not a virtuoso, but aside from writing, it was my entire personality. I told people I was going to major in piano in college. When I auditioned for the piano department at Ohio State, not only did they tell me no (in a pretty rude email), but they questioned whether or not auditioning had been a good idea at all and insulted my teacher (they said it was a mistake letting me audition, and if she'd been a better teacher she would have known that). 

My piano teacher let it roll off her back (if she was upset, I didn't know about it) but I took it to heart for a long time. That audition was the last time I played in front of anyone, and I dropped out of lessons and stopped practicing completely. I was deeply ashamed of putting myself out there, and started guarding all the other areas of my life from rejection as well. I didn't realize how badly that rejection hurt me, until I sat down this morning and thought about why I was panicking so much with this publishing process. 

I was trying to write, and the words wouldn't flow. I never have that problem. So I stopped and talked to myself the way I would my students, and here's a dramatized version of that conversation: 

Coach Me: "Hey, Rachel. You're freaking out right now. What's going on?"

Vulnerable Me: "Oh - I'm freaking out because nothing I do is good enough."

Coach Me: "What? What are you talking about? You do so much that is extremely adequate. (starts listing off things I'm proud of)"

Vulnerable Me:  "But remember the last time we tried to do something like this? Not only did they laugh at me, but they told me my confidence was a mistake."

(I literally never had stage fright before that audition, and after, I couldn't so much as speak in front of people again).

Coach Me: "Yes, but that was eight years ago. You're a different person now, and this isn't even the same subject. Why are you so afraid?"

Vulnerable Me: "Well, the last time we were rejected like this, we gave up piano completely. That felt like losing a limb. I'm afraid that if we suffer like that again, then we'll lose writing, too - and that has been our safe place our whole life. What will happen to us then?"

After this little hypothetical conversation with my baby-brain, I realized that the problem was deeply rooted in not just rejection, but loss. I had given up on piano after that audition - not consciously, of course, but I was grieving something I used to love but was too scared to touch again. 

The problem with this anxiety-impostor-syndrome-fear-rejection cycle is that, like I said earlier, it's not the enemy. It was my nervous system sounding off because it remembered how much that rejection hurt me, and it doesn't want me to feel that rejection again (remember, your brain doesn't understand the difference between emotional pain and physical pain, so all Vulnerable Me knows is that we were actually mauled by a bear in that situation, and this was a threat to my actual life and wellbeing). The rejection I felt altered the course of my life and ultimately helped me land here, so in a way I'm grateful for it - but that doesn't mean it didn't hurt like hell. 

Here's what I did next: I stopped trying to reason with Vulnerable Me. 

Coach Me: "Hey, vulnerable me. Thank you so much for trying to keep me safe. I know that last time we did something like this, it was really awful - but just because we failed in the past doesn't guarantee failure in the future. I promise that putting us out there again isn't going to end writing, because I'm making a conscious choice that when those rejection letters come, I won't quit. I promise that I will keep us safe from all bears, emotional and physical. And I promise that you can trust me, because I'm going to use all the tools we've learned in the last eight years to keep us safe. You can stand down now - thank you for being so good at your job."

Believe it or not, I have a similar conversation with myself on an almost-daily basis. Vulnerable me isn't stupid - she's scared. And she has a right to be. This isn't the only rejection I've faced in my life (and boyyyyyyy do I have stories) but this is one of the ones that hurt the most. My nervous system's entire job is to keep me alive, so I can't fault her for that. 

I can, however, say thank you. Thanks, bro - you're doing great. Coach Me (Confident Me, Strong Me, Healing Me, Happy Me, Etc.) has got it from here. 

You know what happened next? My anxiety went away (at least for that moment). Because my nervous system felt heard, it didn't need to sound off anymore, and I could relax and write. I encourage you to try this the next time you're in a similar mindset: talk to yourself and see if you can get to the root of what's really going on. If your conversation goes the way mine did, you'll be glad you did.

January 14

Research:

I've recently fallen in love with Allyssa Matesic's Youtube channel, and this week you'll see me talk about her a lot. She really sheds light on some of the more confusing aspects of querying agents, and today I watched a video about how to make your manuscript stand out. Since she worked at a literary agency, I fully trust her advice and I'm grateful I ran across her page. 

You can watch her video here.

Sometimes when you're writing a book, it can be easy to get lost in the weeds of "I hope people like it", but in the beginning stages, this isn't something you need to worry about. Writing a story that you can actually finish is the first step - then we focus on the voice, the heart, and the essential pieces to make the words leap off the page.

HOWEVER, many of us (myself included) are guilty of the "research everything so I can safely procrastinate on the actual writing process" so - if you're overwhelmed by everything Alyssa (or me) says, don't be. Put it in the "watch this later" file and just write the book. 

Developing the Book:

I'm working my way through the Economics and Trade Builder inside of The Complete Novelist's Kit, and I'm really proud of how the book is shaping up. I used to spend a lot of time flip-flopping with this essential piece of worldbuilding, but if I work through just about one page a day, then things start to develop on their own. My brain works on it a lot when I sleep, too - and when I wake up, I usually have a ton of ideas, and The Complete Novelist's Kit helps me write them all down before I forget.

Writing the Book:

I brought the manuscript up to 6044 words today. If you're curious, my goal is 100k words (give or take). The program I use to write my stores (when it's not notebook paper or my trusty old typewriter) is called Ellipsus.

January 15

Research:

Once again I'm singing the praises of Alyssa Matesic, a phenomenal content creator. I'm a hands-on kinda gal, and I loved watching her video about successful query letter examples. (EXAMPLES! Like REAL ONES!) This was a super helpful video, and you can watch it here.

If you don't subscribe to her stuff already, just go ahead and do it. I'm learning so much about publishing through her extremely friendly process, and I'm really glad I found her channel. I can't even sum it up here - it won't do it justice - so make you add her to the top of your list.

Developing the Book:

Lately I've been taking a lot of inspiration from movies. I'm a big  Star Wars fan, and since my creative tank has felt a bit empty, Nathan and I have been working our way through our annual Star Wars Marathon. We usually watch all the films (including Solo, and Rogue One) and some of the Clone Wars Show - although I tend to lose interest after a little while, so it's always a tossup on how far we get. 

Hope I don't catch any flak for this - but I don't watch #9. I'm sorry. I just can't. I did it once, and it was a firm argument for the invention of brain bleach. 

ANYWAY - back on topic: I didn't realize how much of my books were (and still are) inspired by Star Wars. Every year, though I watch a bit of it and see reflections of my own interests. Just today, I was thinking about my favorite character, Han Solo, and how often his traits show up in characters I've written. Holy cow!

Star Wars got me thinking about the Geography, Weather, and Landscapes Builder from The Complete Novelist's Kit, so I got that out today and started thinking about the different biomes in my new book. Although it's set as a fantasy, it does take place on a bunch of different planets (hello Star Wars) and each one has a different opportunity to highlight interests of mine. I actually used this guide for each of the planets, and it's helping me solidify exactly how the biomes and weather function within each world.

Writing the Book:

I had my first-of-the-project holy cow what the heck did I just write sentence today. My brain got so stopped on actually writing the book that I had to literally write something random to fill the space. 

But hey, that's what editing is for, right? 

(I'm too embarrassed to put it here, but if you want to know what it was, send me an email and I'll tell you lol)

I got my word count up to 7153 words today. My goal for January was to have 12k done by the end of the month, so I feel pretty good about this. 

January 16

Today's helpful video:

https://youtu.be/gzZAF43qElM?si=kMtxCYOkPYCfaCN4

Writing the Book:

One of my mentors gave me an absolutely stunning piece of advice that has changed the way I think about literally all of my content creation. From writing to making instagram reels to telling stories to my friends - this one piece of advice put everything I knew on its head. 

Here it is: 

Whenever you experience a strong emotion, no matter what it is, write down what it is a why you felt that way. 

The truth is that stories about facts don't really sell (unless you're a numbers-obsessed nerd like me). Stories about emotions, though? 

In writing this new, unnamed story, I keep catching myself diving deep into feelings I put away into little boxes for a long time. Just this morning, I felt really misunderstood about something - and because I've become really good at being mindful about stuff like this, I had the wherewithal to write it down. 

That little note I added to myself just created a fantastic subplot in this book, and it answered a serious question I had about one of the characters and their motivations. 

So: piece of advice today: whenever you have a strong emotion, no matter what it is, write down what it is and why. Consider this an inspiration bank - I promise you'll thank me later.

January 17

One of the most valuable books I've ever read on writing is called Story Genius by Lisa Cron. It breaks down the difference between plot and story in a really meaningful way, and as I was looking through my drafting materials I realized I was missing something in my story - so I popped it open and decided to read it again. 

And...presto! I found the beating heart of my story. I've always been fascinated by themes of belonging and found family, but in this one I wanted to go deeper. What about a character who truly believes they're just a chameleon and can become whatever the other people around them want to see? Someone who is terrified of emotional intimacy and instead hides their true nature (even from themselves!) because they feel like it is repulsive? This is a character I feel really connected to, because for a long time, this was exactly how I felt about myself. 

I didn't have a lot of close friends growing up, and a lot of my relationships were imaginary (...one of the biggest reasons I became a writer was because of my imaginary friends). This is something I feel like a lot of writers understand, and it resonated deeply with me as I sat down to write the story. 

January 18

Today's helpful video:

https://youtu.be/VzTAHKkzwDQ?si=GHQIxPUk39aRd9aD

(I've been a little brain-dead, so I'm spent today watching Star Wars)

January 19

We've been under a lot of snow. It's really cold and it's getting colder - I'm really grateful that we have a warm fireplace, and it's super cozy. That really makes my brain happy, and it's easier to write. 

I always get more written in the winter. I'm not sure if it's because there's less to do outside, or if things are just quieter - but I become more introspective during this time of year, and my greatest stories come out. 

One of my books (not published yet) has an entire biome that's all winter tundra. Some may find it boring; I personally feel drawn to it. Anytime it snows here, I want to crack open that story and dive in. When I read it, I feel like I can actually feel the snow flurries on my face and the hush of the winter wind over the rocky ground. 

All this to say, because it's snowing here and I the snow biome of one of my other stories, I'm adding a snow planet to my new book. I have no idea what I'll do with it yet, but it's there. 

What's Next?

This week has been a roller coaster for me - so much done, so much left to do; I also learned so much in the process. I'm really excited that you're here to join me, and I hope you're learning along with me. 

Hey, real quick - if this is your first time on the blog, welcome! Make sure to subscribe for our newsletter updates, so you don't miss any publishing news. If you're a returning reader, welcome back! I'm honored to be sharing this journey with you. 

If you've gotten this far, congrats! I have a question for you: what's something you'll hope I cover in next week's update? I'd love to know. Send me an email or type it into the feedback box below. 

Until next time, my friends - happy writing! 

xo Rachel

Resources Used this Week:

Want individual feedback on your WIP? Join Rachel's Coaching Group here.

Click here to access The Complete Novelist's Kit

Click here to access Creating Iconic Fantasy Characters